Gratitude Wednesday 7/7

Beginner mind. Beginner mind.

Right.

Reporting utter failure. Oh yes.

I walk into an intermediate t’ai chi class after sixteen years solo practice. Which followed twenty years as a student, then apprentice, then teacher in a t’ai chi school in NY.

I had asked the owner of the new t’ai chi school to please let me into his push hands class, which is what I’m craving. He said no, I have to start as an intermediate student. I asked him again, using different words. Failed to convince him of my advanced level; he said no a second time.

So. Beginner mind. Christian offered this tidbit to me over dinner and I grabbed it. Sure. I can do this. I live a transformed life. I’ll walk in there and be open and receptive and learn something. I’ll pay my dues and surely I’ll get bumped up into advanced and push hands before long… (does my scheming mind ever stop?)

Utter. Failure. The few moments during that long hour when I wasn’t hearing screaming voices in my head yelling “they’re doing it wrong!” I was thinking how much better I am than the woman who was teaching the class. I couldn’t even keep it to myself. I resisted a correction she gave me and I told her why!!! I told her that I was taught differently (and clearly better!). She muttered something about how when people come to her school from other schools they often need to unlearn and relearn.

Humiliation. Luckily it can lead to humility. I called Christian and laughingly told on myself. Told another friend. Now telling the world. Or the two or three in it who read this thing.

I have a new commitment for next week. (Yes, I’m going back.) I’m going to follow her instructions(!). I’m going to walk in there thinking I’m going to learn something new. And I’m going to let go of the (probably irrational) fear that if I do it this new way I’ll be losing something.

So…morning gratitude

For self-honesty.

For friends.

For laughter.

For humiliation and its counterpart, humility.

For t’ai chi and the vitality it affords me by my practice.

For being close enough to Ladybug and family that I can babysit Avery while he sleeps from the comfort of my own home with the use of a baby monitor.

For being able to allow Ladybug a night out.

For willingness to do what seems like endless mindless work to get the mailing list ready for my email marketing.

For being able to give Rose $120 to spend for fun while she’s in Hawai’i.

For gratitude and this practice.

gratitude Friday 7/2

Beginner mind. Beginner mind. What a wonderful concept. I am so grateful that Christian planted this fruitful seed in me. Helps so much for this know-it-all. After 20+ years of study of t’ai chi, including over ten years of teaching, and years of push hands and advanced classes and sword form—after all that, I left my school, moved across the country and have been a solo practitioner of the art for sixteen years. Having forgotten the sword form (the thing I learned last) and yearned for push hands (one needs a partner for this) for many years, I now find myself preparing for class at another school, starting on Tuesday.

I was catalyzed to find a class when I found my new acupuncturist, who (not so gently) reminded me that it’s not just about acupuncture (which I pay someone to do to me), but about enhancing health by things I can do myself (ahem, like t’ai chi). My occasional practice has now become an everyday thing. I do the form twice every morning. Followed by banging all my bones with a kinda kinky-looking heavy wire brush (to encourage marrow production and vitalize chi).

And so I found a teacher of Yang style short form (the one I was taught). He resisted my plea to allow me to step right into his push hands class. Twice—I don’t give up easy. I’m allowed to come into his intermediate class (not the advanced!) and do my time learning what he wants me to learn. Ahh. Yes. His school. My pride. Beginner mind. I love this! I get to leave the know-it-all at home and just roll with it. A little humility. A lotta willingness. And a smile. So thank you, Chris, for the reminder of the value of a t’ai chi class, and Christian, for the timely mention of beginner mind.

I am so grateful.

Today I am grateful for the open and willing clients who embrace their adventure of self-opening and exploration and blooming with me.

I am grateful for the exciting new ventures I am embracing.

I am grateful for my developer partner, Dustin Laine, who is a genius. And young and inspired. He inspires me.

I am grateful for my daughter Rose and that I get to have her in my life.

I am grateful for my new friend Carolyn, and romance in its infancy.

I am grateful for my family of choice, my sisters and brothers and babies.

I am grateful grateful grateful for every moment that has led me to this one.

Blessed be.